


Falling

by onewiththesunandstars



Category: Fazilet Hanim ve Kizlari (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, i love this ship honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 12:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17141741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onewiththesunandstars/pseuds/onewiththesunandstars
Summary: It takes a certain strength to let yourself fall apart in the wake of tragedy. But it takes courage to trust someone to pick up the pieces. My take on the car scene in episode 19.





	Falling

It took a while after Sinan stormed off for Yagiz to remember that Hazan was there.

She’d been standing by the wall for a while now, and Yagiz knew she’d heard what Sinan had said. _You take your pain and do whatever you want with it. But I will not grieve, because that man_ was not _my father_.

Yagiz had wanted to believe those words. With all his heart, he had.

But he’d seen the body, had listened to the doctor saying that they’d identified it, had heard his father’s name. Sinan had, too. And for all the conviction in his brother’s voice, he knew he did not believe them, either.

He understood, how it was easier to deny than to face the loss they’d been through. Easier to pretend it never happened.

Yet still, when Sinan had stepped away from him, Yagiz couldn’t help but feel like he was walking on solid ground only to find himself stepping off a cliff.

He looked to Hazan, who was still there, still looking at him, her face taut, as if she waged a silent battle with herself. She took a step forward. Then another.

And then she walking towards him, Yagiz didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to listen to bullshit like “my condolences” or “I’m sorry for your loss”, not from her. But it was an effort to walk away, so he stayed by the car’s bumper, and didn’t look at Hazan as she approached.

For a while they said nothing; Hazan leaned against the bumper next to him and stared ahead, or stared at nothing, or stared at something way beyond the walls of this house, something Yagiz couldn't see. There was some unnameable sorrow on her face. Yagiz looked away, just as she looked at him.

“Look,” she said after what seemed like eternity; her voice was so quiet without its usual fervor that it hurt to hear it. “Sinan found a way to deal with this. He chose to deny it, said that his father was not dead— that's how he'll cope with the pain. But what about you?”

What about him? He should have gone after Sinan.

He should have, and he hadn’t.

And now there was nothing he _could_ do.

“I don’t know,” the words came out like a gasp. He sounded so pathetic. “I don’t know.”

“I do,” Hazan said simply. “You will cry. You will cry right now.”

Yagiz almost did. But crying wouldn’t bring his father back.

No, what he needed to do was go into the house right now, talk with Selim and Gokhan about this, discuss the best course of action to keep the company going after _this_...

“If you don’t cry now—” Hazan kept going, ”—you’ll always feel raw about it. You’ll never heal from it.” When Yagiz finally looked at her, she still had that old sadness on her face. “I know it from experience.”

Somewhere in the back of his head, Yagiz remembered that Hazan's father had died when she was young.

Maybe that was why she had looked at him and his brother earlier. She'd known their pain. Had known it for a long time.

“When my father died, Ece was so little.” Hazan went on, a small smile at the mention of her sister. “She cried when I cried, sometimes before even knowing the reason, so I had to keep it together for her. I didn't cry when he died right in front of me, or when they buried him.  And later I just… _couldn't_ cry. It was as if my grief was locked deep in my heart, and it wasn’t until recently that I was able to let it out.”

Yagiz tried to say he understood—because he did, really, he knew the need to be the one to hold it together, even when he was a child—but the words were stuck in his throat.

And from the way Hazan shook her head, like she knew… he realized that perhaps no words were needed.

“Don’t do what I did. Let yourself cry.”

The cliff was still there. He was hanging off the edge.

Hazan put a hand on his arm.

“You don’t need to be strong tonight.”

And at the bottom…

“You don’t need to be the older brother tonight.”

Her grip on him tightened, a tether to the world.

“Tonight, you can be a kid.”

There was a promise in Hazan’s words.

_I’m here._

What a strange thing was life, to bring him to her in the way that it did.

“Tonight, you can be the kid you were when you left for America.”

Yagiz thought of Sinan, who had jumped from the roof to keep him from going that day, whose words earlier broke his heart.

He lost grip of the edge, and he was falling, and—

_I’m here._

And she was at the bottom.

Hazan, this fire-woman, who had given him the scar on his cheek the day she met him…

_I’m here._

He knew it was true. And he trusted her

There must have been something in his eyes when he looked at her again, because she reached to hold him. And despite what they’d been through, Yagiz found himself reaching back.

**Author's Note:**

> the ending's kinda abrupt but i like it :^)


End file.
